U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
