are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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