I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
