My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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