it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i wish my penis had a tongue
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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