She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
