I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize