I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
