you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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