I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
