he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
