and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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