My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
