so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize