after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
