You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How does it feel to date your dad?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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