Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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