I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
