this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Terrible idea I love it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
