the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
