Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
