No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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