the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
