i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
