I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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