R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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