Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
