So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
