He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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