I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
