We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
someone owes me an orgasm
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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