you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
