i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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