I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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