How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
