she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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