Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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