Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
