Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
