My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
