i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
