You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize