This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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