I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
