the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
