i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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