i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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