Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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