Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
