Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
