Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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