I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
