Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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