So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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