i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
where are my eyebrows?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
