I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
