I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
