apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
