i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
