On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
