these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
