hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
