If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
