It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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