my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
