Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
