she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
