I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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