she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
