Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
