It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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