He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
