Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
