i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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