ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
