imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
