i really wish james franco would like my vagina
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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