yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
