I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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