Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize