I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
