I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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