Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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