He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
