I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
