This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
