so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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