As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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