Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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