I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
