your parents love me but you hate me
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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